Fireproof

New guy and I watched this tonight. Quite Ironic being that im getting divorced tomorrow. While I stand by my choice to divorce my ex, I look at marriage totally different now. It hurts a lot knowing i've promised twice to love and stand by people no matter what, and I haven't put my whole heart into it. Marriage has never meaned anything to me. It was more about getting to play dress up for a day then what those vows really meant. There not some words you just say, it's something you have to believe and mean. You can't makes promises you wont keep.
It has left me very broken and hurt. Everything happened so fast the first time, and I didn't think much about my actions. And the 2nd time I knew in my heart it wasn't right and I went along anyways.
New guy and I both cried. I think the timing of watching it was perfect. We both have moved fast in past relationships and waiting to take things to the next level is new to both of us. Had we not watched that, I think we would of been doing other things tonight. It's hard to change when you've lived one way for so long. But I think for our relationship this is the best thing, I see no harm in us waiting. And for the record he is staying in a hotel, not here at my Grandparents.
I want a closer relationship with the Lord. I need it. That's what im going to put my focus on.