So life is back to "normal". Im a mess inside but have to put on a happy normal front. My daughter needs to be cared for, I have remodel stuff to do, things needed to be ordered, bills to pay. As much as I want the world to stop and let me be said, it wont :(
I feel way needy right now, sucks being single and not have anyone to go through this with me and hold me. My childs father is here, and yesterday so was his sister but it's not the same. I wish guy #1 would of been there for me. He didn't even call!
I guess this was for the best. I remember how wrong it felt after my daughter was born not to have a loving father for her. Her father and I were on really bad terms, but even now he still isn't a dad to her. The best thing you can do for your child is give them 2 parents who love and are commited to each other. I want to do this the right way. I want to be married, and I don't want finding out im pregnant to be a bad thing. I want the childs father to be excited and not think of him/her as ruining his life.
I want to be madly in love. I want to find someone that even after years together still gives me butterflies. If I sit around being sad I waste another day of finding that person. I need to work through this instead of letting the pain and guilt eat away at me again. I have to for my daughter.
I dont feel worthy of ever finding that, but i guess I can atleast try.
Guy #2 called me yesteray :) After swearing he hated me and told me he hoped I died he called to check in on me. We didn't talk, he talked to my daughters father, but he from what I was told he seemed worried. Now really isnt the time for us to work out our issues but its nice to know he doesn't wish me dead anymore.