Well that stinks!

So I had a blog started over at Thoughts.com but it's not letting me sign on! So I shall start over here.
Why am I not putting this in my LJ blog? Well this is going to be super personal, and i've learned the hard way most people can't be trusted. I want to only be able to talk about everything I think/feel/and have done. LJ has pretty much just turned into what im up to and nothing very juicy. Same with MySpace. After the whole LJ Bryan Im sure anyone reading this would understand.
Where to even start... My life is in chaos right now. I don't even know where to begin.
I feel like I'm holding onto what little sanity I have left. I was out at a resturant a few days ago that had this quote on there napkins (so corny I know) "In each of us, two natures are at war – the good and the evil. All our lives the fight goes on between them, and one of them must conquer. But in our own hands lies the power to choose – what we want most to be we are."
As dumb as this sounds it really hit home with what im going through right now. I really want to be a good person. I don't want to do bad things, set a bad example for my daughter, or do things I know in my heart are wrong. Yet I can't stop myself from doing them. I do things that not only hurt myself and could hurt many people around me. I do things that could ruin others lives. But yet I go on doing them.
I feel like such a POS right now for what i've done. Theres no excuse for my actions. And the thing is even though I feel crappy for doing it and I know it's wrong, I'd do it again :(
I just keep making poor choice after poor choice. I slept with someone I consider to be one of my best and longest friends, who also just got engaged, days after getting into a new relationship with someone else. It was also unprotected sex, within days of each other... I have a daughter, I can't do shit like that. I don't really consider either a 1 night stand and im pretty sure both are STD free, but still. Im old enough to know better, even in my crazy party years I knew better then to do that.
I feel horrible for sleeping with guy #1 (the one thats engaged) because im truly happy he's getting married. I know how much he's wanted this and besides sleeping with me he's an awesome guy. Whenever I see a pic of him and his fiance I think how cute they are together. I don't want to take that away from either of them.
Then guy #2, God where to even start there! Guy #2 was my first husband, my first real love. I know he loves me and wants to be with me but I just don't feel the same. But by sleeping with him i've given him a false hope. I have put this guy through hell. He was really close to getting engaged and then here I come thinking I want to get back together and fuck that all up. After spending some time with him I see I don't really want to be with him.
I love both dearly, but don't really want to be with either, yet i fuck with their lives. I sound like a homewreckering, cheating, slut! And thats how I feel.
This isn't the type of role model I want to be to my daughter. I need to get my act together quickly!
Im still debating if I should really go to the USVI or not. I have my tickets but I feel like all im doing is running away from my problems (which is the norm for me). When things get unbearable I just leave.
I'm trying my hardest to be positive right now and just look on the bright side but it's hard when I feel like such a huge POS. I'm sure I sound crazy.