Not myself

I feel so needy and not like myself. I wanted to get together with guy #1 and he said no and it totally made me a mess. I have no idea why. I normally woudnt care and wouldn't of given it a 2nd thought but for some reason it really hurt. I think because I feel like its all about him, whats best for him and what he wants. He never puts me first or thinks of me, kinda a selfish person. I wanted to scream at him and say you know I did something I didn't really want to do FOR YOU and yet you can't do this one thing for me. Asshole. And it's not like I could even have sex or anything (can't have sex for 2 weeks) so theres 0 risk of that. Im about ready to give up on our friendship. He hasn't been that great of a friend. I thought I really loved him, and maybe I did but i'd never want to be with someone who does so many hurtful things. Guys are dumb, sometimes I wish i was into girls because it just seems so much easier lol.
On a positive note im going up north to visit some family. I was just up there last month but I really don't want to be alone now. My childs father is good friends with one of my cousins and trying to get him to set me up on a date with someone. ROFL Sounds weird rereading that. I think I may try it even tho I have super low hopes. For one its a bit soon to jump into dating and two I don't trust them to pick out anyone date worthy. But i'll try:) Should make for a good story lol. My cousin is WAYYYYYYY different then me and I cant imagine he'd be friends with anyone I'd be into. He's my age but still in college (he's one of those weirdo's who would stay in college forever if he could). Plus he's a bit of a hippie.
I'd love to really date right now, but I don't think im ready. I need to work on myself before getting into anything with someone else. I've been through a lot this year and while I hate being alone it may be for the best.
I ordered some new clothes VS :) I hardly ever buy anything for myself, so it was nice to get a few things. Victoria's Secret - Wide-strap babydoll Bra Top This is my new favorite shirt! Makes the boobies look awesome with no bra! I normally always have to wear a bra because im not an A cup and those built in bras are wimpy lol. But this one is awesome.