Im here

Kiddo and I made it safely up north :) Today was insane!! I had to drive DF (daughters father) about an hour and a half north so he could catch his ride to some concert thing. No doubt some stoner fest (bonnaroo maybe?) come back and wait for some furniture to be dropped off (omg looks amazing), drive an hour south and catch our flight. All before 2. Busy busy. But sooooo worth it. Im in love with my new furniture! I've been wanting to break out of my comfort zone and try something other then neutral colors. So I got a couch with red pin sripes! I was starting to rethink my choice today, until it got to the house. AMAZING! LOL. I found an cute trunk to use as a coffe table, got 2 leather chairs, and this huge entry way piece.
I've been on a bit of a shopping spree lately and need to get that in check. I ordered some new bedding for my daughter (plus a new bedroom set), new bedroom furniture for me, the stuff I list above and a new dining room table. Plus like $200 in organizational pantry stuff. I <3 href="http://www.oxo.com/OA_HTML/ibeCCtpSctDspRte.jsp?section=10421&minisite=10024&respid=53057">OXO - Food Storage. Plus I still need some more new stuff. But the one room in my house that has furniture right now looks wonderful.
I almost had a panic attack today on the plane. No reason why, just lost it for a moment. The whole positive thinking really help tho. It took me a minute but I got control over my thoughts and feelings and was able to let go of everything that was bothering me. I was thinking back to when I last got asked out. A few weeks ago on vacation in a big city my daughter and I were grocery shopping (yes i grocery shop on vacation) and I met a nice guy just by chance there. I was doing the whole positive thinking then and in an awesome mood. I looked a mess (had been traveling all day), and in PJ's but this guy still asked me out! I think my attitude had everything to do with it. I very easily could of been in a horrible mood. I found out a huge secret guy #1 had been keeping from me (getting engaged) a few days eariler, had a bad day traveling (drove way out of my way for something we didnt go to, and due to lack of restrooms kiddo peed her pants), and had a hell of a time finding this grocery store. But still I was in such a great mood.
So even tho I want to cry right now and am still in shock over this whole week I refuse to be sad and let anger get the best of me. I hope after time this will come naturally and I wont have to put much thought in it. I have to much to be happy and thankful for and only so much time to enjoy it.
My aunt and uncle are awesome, im so thankful for them. I haven't told them (and never would) about the abortion, but they know im going through a lot right now. I love being at their house. It's like an escape from the world. They live very close to the downtown area of the city they live in, but they have so much land (15 acre's I think) that's all fenced in you feel like your in your own little bubble. The house is in a u type of shape with a pool and yard being in the middle part of the u and thats fenced in from the rest of the yard. My aunt and I have a lot of the same style (English country shabby chic meets tradisonal) so it's like staying in a dream. So pretty. She's also an artist so it's even cooler to know a lot of the stuff around the house she made! Plus my cousins are always coming and going. Theres always people here.
I wish things could be better between my dad and I. I feel like everytime we take a step forward we take 2 back. He's always judging me and putting down any choice I make. But the more I think about it the less I think it has to do with me and more about him and issues he has. While I don't always make the best choices, i've always been a good daughter. Most of the things I did in my youth he doesn't know about, so its not like he's holding that against me. I think it's more about how he was raised and things that happened in my childhood (death of family members and such). My dad is the youngest out of his siblings and my grandparents due to work were gone a lot. Like months at a time. They moved out when he was 15 and left him to raise himself. Which explains a lot. So im going to try and put forth an effort to get along.
Im way nervous about my dates. I keep telling myself its going to be awesome and everything will be fine, but ahhhhh im scared lol. Im going with the first guy to a cute little pizza place on the river. I have no idea what to wear! It's dinner at a semi romantic place. Dress? Skirt? Jeans? No clue. I'll most likely have one of my female cousins come and help me. I should have a report this time tomorrow.